Mad
by B.B. Jaymes
Summary: Forbidden is what they call a relationship between a teacher and a student. Murder is something done by creatures like Voldemort. Lying is what soulless animals do. And love is purest in it's true form, so you can't confuse it with lust. Right?
1. My 17th Birthday

I'm AraBella (air-rah-bell-la) Drue (drue=drew) Tomlinson.

Wand: unicorn hair in the center, has the appearance of Draco Malfoy's wand

Family: adopted by the Lovegoods

I have almost pale blond hair like my mom and blue eyes like my dad. I am not only a Half-blood witch, but I am a mad one. Mad as in straight jacket crazy, not mad as in angry; but I guess I could be angry after everything I've been through. But that would just be selfish; I've had time to think things through, to go over things in my head.

I always wanted to be a singer in the wizarding world, and maybe one day I will pursue those dreams.

But anyway, I was in the House of Ravenclaw, when I attended Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry for seven years in the same year as the legendary Harry Potter(or better yet: The Boy Who Lived, and later known to be The Chosen One).

I'm now 20yrs old, and everything I'm about to tell you happened only a four years ago..but it feels like everything happened just yesterday, from where I stand. And I must warn you: Please don't judge me..

I found out back then that: 'Love is a ruthless game, unless you play it good and right'. But that wasn't the case, for my situation.

I learned that sometimes love can be sad, beautiful, tragic and treacherous all at the same time.

I have to understand that I can't tell you the whole story in the introduction, so let me begin again...

My 17th Birthday

I was in a lively daydream that I had had many times before; but somehow, it was better this time..it felt oh to good to be real.

I felt his rough, pale skin with the tips of my hands. I felt his ice, cold breath blowing on my neck. It felt so good that it burned, I couldn't help but gasp out loud and grip onto him, wanting more.

His scent was so captivating and minty; I almost thought that I was in doublemint heaven.

We snogged so hard and passionately, that my lips were raw: I felt so utterly right in this moment that I knew who ever this beautiful creature was, I wanted him to be mine forever.

This was it, I thought, I think I love him.

Who is this "he", this strange man in my day dream? All I can tell you he had the most incredible hair in the world to me..and he was so oddly handsome in my eyes at the time, that I forgot the consequences.

Then, the dream becomes clearer to give me a better view of the setting, where there is me and my oddly handsome guy. We both were in a gothic type room, it was dark but he was so pale that I could point him out in the Forbidden Forest at midnight. Nonetheless, we had our hands wrapped around each other, like we were never going to let go. I was staring at him like I was hungry, and to tell the truth, I was..hungry for his body, anyway.

But then, it just happened: He slowly reached his hand to stroke my cheek, and then he pulled me closer to his chest, and leaned down into a kiss; letting his other hand go through my hair.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and returned the favor...and then, he did something that really got me thinking later on.. he smirked at me like he had won a prize, and I knew that I had seen that somewhere; but where? I sat there pondering on where I had seen that guy and his smirk before..it was weird.

It was honestly like deja vu...

"Miss Tomlinson, I believe I asked you a question, said Professor Snape(Head of Slytherin House and Potions Master), interuppting my deja vu, day dream.

"Um, can you repeat the question, please, Professor" I answered, snapping out of my weird trance, unable to recall any question he had asked me.

"I'm sorry, wrong answer. But maybe I can repeat the quesion in detention." And then..as if I hadn't gone mad enough, I saw a flash of the guy from my dream, and he smirked at me. WHOA.

I felt a little whip lash, so I blinked a few times in the direction I saw the dream guy. But, on that last blink, I opened my eyes and only saw Professor Snape, turning to walk away.

The class filled with Ravenclaws and Slytherins snickered as I sunk into my seat, knowing that I was defeated. My House mate and sister-like friend, Luna Lovegood, looked over at me and asked if I was okay, which lead Snape to give her detention too! Great, I thought as I sulked for the rest of the Potions lesson. Just great; detention on my 17th birthday.

Later that night, Luna and I went down to the Dungeons to serve our detention with Professor Snape.

It was a long and tiring night, especially after he made Luna and I clean out his whole DUNGEON office! What a great way to spend a birthday! But, I can honestly say, that I was really thinking about the guy from my day dream earlier that day...I thought about that smirk. That smirk..

When it was a quarter to midnight, he finally dismissed us, but oh no, I was NOT going to bed without a fight! Oh, how stupid I'd been..

"Bella, are you coming?" Luna yawned at me when I had stopped in my tracks, thinking about going to give Snape a piece of my mind; but I told her that I'd meet her in our dorm in the tower after awhile. She asked if I was okay and I told her yes, I just needed to check something..

I strolled slowly back to Professor Snape's office, partly waiting until the sound of Luna's footsteps had disappered, but mostly thinking of what I was going to say to the Professor.

Because, let's be serious: What can you say to a man like that? I was thinking. I mean, he is beyond your typical gothic guy.

The man was a Death Eater, for Merlin's sake! I was thinking when I heard voices coming my way from the nearest stair case. So I found the nearest statue and hid behind it, confused about who could be coming to visit the Professor at midnight.

I pulled out my Invisibility Cloak (it was a birthday gift from my late, beloved aunt), and draped it over myself, just in case of being seen.

Finally, I saw the source of the voices; they were Slytherin students, three I recognized as Draco Malfoy, and his two main lads: Crabbe and Goyle, and the others were two girls and three other boys.

They were having a whispered, but heated argument about something I couldnt interpret at the time, but I heard the words "Room of Requirement", "The Dark Lord", and "Dumbledore" come up a few times as the lot finally reached Snape's door. I quickly followed them, as quietly as possible to the door, just before they were about to knock. I knew that if this had anything to do with "The Dark Lord" aka Voldemort, I was putting myself in terrible danger; but at that moment in time, I was just dying of curiousity.

When I got close enough to the group, I listened hard enough to know that the voices coming out of Crabbe and Goyle's mouths was not their own voices. I may not have been mates with them, but I had known them since Year 1 here at Hogwarts. I listened a little harder to hear Draco talking, and his voice sounded perfectly normal; demanding and snotty, with a whole lot of pride in his speech as always.

Just before Draco was about to knock, the Dungeon's door opened up and the lot filed in quietly, each of them glancing at Snape as they did. I filed in close behind the last of the lot, right before Snape closed the door.

To my relief, nobody had noticed me as I glided, invisible, to a corner in the room as Snape closed the door behind him at turned, waiting for the lot to speak.

At first, it was silent. Nobody said anything for a while and it freaked me out. They just stood around the room, staring at one another when Snape said: "Bella?" I literally stopped breathing for a few quick seconds, because I thought he was talking to me. But the one Slytherin girl in the room responded "What?", I felt utter relief at the thought of not being caught.

"Is everything in order, Bellatrix?" Snape asked the Slytherin girl. Bellatrix? I was thinking. Is this the famous Death Eater, Bellatrix Lestrange?

"Well, wha' are you asking me for, Snape?" she inquired. "I'm not the one with the order, you should be asking him" Bellatrix said the last part as she grabbed Draco's arm and yanked him forward.

"Yes, I'm ready let's just get this over with, alrigh'?" Draco's voice cracked as he shot out his response at Snape. He sounded so scared, that it broke my heart.

Snape responded by opening up the Dungeon's door and waiting at everyone filed out. I got a glimpse of the look on his face as I hurried out behind the others. There were tears in his dark eyes, but his expression was blank. I had never seen that man shed a tear before in the six years I had known him, and in that moment, I was desperate to use Legilimency (mind reading).

I waited for him to walk in front of me and then, I stared at the back of his head and attempted to read his thoughts since he was obviously weak at the moment, even though I knew that he was an experienced in Occlumency (blocking mind reading); I tried anyway.. As I was desperately trying to penetrate the powerful walls of his mind, he stopped dead in his tracks and turned to look at the same exact spot I was now standing in. He waited as if to see if he saw thought something was going to move.

I held my breath and didn't dare move a muscle. I knew that he knew that someone was there, but I wanted so badly to stay hidden, to hopefully help him out in any way I could. Snape then decided that he was imaging it, and he quicked his stride to follow the others. I then followed behind, matching his steps so that my footsteps could blend with his. It apparently worked, because he didn't look back again. He just walked on, with his wand at the ready.

What is going on? I couldn't help but think as I recognized the path we were taking. It was the path to the Headmaster, Dumbledore's office.

When we reached the gargoyle outside of the Headmaster's office, the secret entrance was already open, and Draco went up the spiral staircase first, with the others and I followed hastily behind. But I noticed that Snape lagged behind and went under the staircase. What's up with that? I was thinking.

As the others spread out around Dumbledore, I came in and saw Draco, front and center, with tears streaming down his face. My breathing picked up as I watched this scene unfold. "You don't have to do this, Draco" Dumbledore said to Draco in a quiet and calm voice, despite what was going on.

"Don't you understand" sobbed Draco. "If I don't kill you, he's going to kill me" Draco spit out. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "Oh, he's a whimp just like his father" said the bloke who looked like Goyle. "Good evening, you all" said Dumbledore, finally noticing the whole lot. I even think I caught him glance at me, even though I was hidden.

"Just do it, Draco!" hissed the girl named Bellatrix, which lead Draco to let out a whimper as he stumbled out of the way and Snape appeared out of the shadows of the staircase. I quickly glanced at the staircase; I saw a boy hiding there, a boy who just happened to be Harry Potter (as I learned later on). Snape stepped forward toward Dumbledore and I followed his every move as if I were his shadow.

And it all happened so fast: I pointed my wand at Dumbledore from under my cloak, where I stood (hidden behind Snape; so it looked like it came from his wand) and mumbled "Avada Kedavra ".

I watched as a long line of green sparks came from my brittle stick-like wand, hit the body of the Headmaster I had known since the age of 11, fly backwards, so lifeless, out of his office, somewhere down and beyond... because I...a stupid, little teenage girl.. had killed him.

I was dumbfounded, as tears streamed down my face, about what had just happened, but I knew in my heart that I couldn't have let Snape kill Dumbledore after I saw those tears in his eyes (before we got here), all over something that apparently had something to do with Voldemort; it just hit a nerve for me because I knew what it felt like to have Voldemort tear you apart (but, more on that later).

I listened as the whole lot in the room (except for Snape, Draco and myself), cheer and chant "He's dead, he's dead! Dumbledore's dead!" I watched as Snape lead the way out of the office, walking swiftly as the lot followed him.

But I stayed behind for a bit; I looked at the place under the stairs where I saw the boy, but he was no longer there. He must have followed them, I thought.

GASP. I had to take a breath because I had just realized that I hadn't breathed since I...since I..it was so hard to even think about what I had did, so I just removed my Cloak and walked over to the open balcony doors, where...where Dumbledore fell... Way, way down there on the castle grounds was his body and what it seemed like, all of Hogwarts students and staff, standing with their lit wands in the air, pointing at something in the sky.

I looked up to see the remains of The Dark Mark getting weaker with each wand that lit up the sky. I was tempted to follow suit and honor Dumbledore, but I knew I couldn't because I had...killed him.

I slowly backed away from the window, hoping that no one had saw me up there and that no one had noticed that I was gone.

I had to find Snape and explain to him what I had done...he deserved to know. So I marched right out of that office, that had once appeared big and magical to me, for now it was filled with a new memory that I didn't want to remember.

I had killed the Headmaster. I had ended the life of someone who had always been kind to me and everyone he met. I was a murderer. I had killed Dumbledore.

I tried my best to shake those thoughts that burned every inch of me, (even though I knew they were true), so that I could go and try to find Snape. I didn't want him to think he was a murderer because he wasn't...I just needed him to understand, or get me to understand what was going on. Because honestly, I couldn't grasp my head around everything that had happened..I just couldn't. But maybe he could.

I walked the halls of a school that was once a second home to me, but now, without Dumbledore, what was going to happen to this paradise?

I couldn't take the torture anymore, forget walking, I had to run; run as fast as I could so that I could find Snape. Where was he?

The next thing I knew, I was outside on the other side of the castle (away from the crowd), running like a madman..I ran so hard and fast that when I almost ran into Snape, I wasn't even aware.

I had to stop and put my Cloak back on, I could see that Snape wasn't alone and I didn't want to make a scene, so I calmed myself and followed the crowd.

The next thing I now I saw Harry and Snape fighting (Snape won..)..I waited until the group went ahead, and Snape was far enough from Harry (I felt bad for Harry, but I had to deal with one problem at a time).

I watched from under my Cloak as Bellatrix yelled to Snape that she and the others would meet up with him next week to discuss bussiness, and then her and the others Apparated off of the grounds.

So that's when I made my move; Snape stared at the spot the others had disappeared and then he broke down silently. I watched for a minute as this man broke down on his knees and let tears fall, but he made no sound.

At that moment in time, I ripped off my Cloak, threw it on the ground and ran to him. I knelt down next to him and lifted his tear stained face into my hands. He looked utterly shocked to see me, and he tried to resist me, but I wouldn't budge.

"Professor, let's get out of here. Its not safe." I looked directly into his eyes when I said this, while trying to fight back tears of my own as I reached out for his hand.

He managed to nod. The next thing I knew, his wand was out, his hand was in mine, and he Apparated us.


	2. Felix

When we landed, I was a little winded because I'd never Apparated before. But that was the least of my worries, I looked around us, trying to see where we were. Then, I finally recognized that we were in Hogsmeade Village (think of a how city's have downtown's; this is pretty much the wizarding world's downtown).

My attention snapped back to reality when I noticed that Snape walked into the legendary Three Broomsticks bar.

I wondered why Snape had brought us here, but I tried not to think to much on it, because apparently, he'd rather go get drunk than ask me what I'd known at the time.

And on the bright side, I was thinking I stood outside of the Three Broomsticks, it was still my birthday (despite everything that had happened that night).

I cleared my mind, told myself to keep calm, and got my heart set on having a good time that night. I looked down at what I was wearing; dingy school robes just weren't going to cut it). So I went to the nearest clothing store that was open and transformed myself; I put the front of my hair in a hump and left the rest of it falling around my face, my nails and my toes were already painted black. I wore this :

When I was done transforming myself, I slipped my brittle stick-like wand in between my clevage, and I marched right into the Three Broomsticks looking for a party.

I was of age (in the wizarding world, you're an adult when you are 17), so no one could say anything to me when I walked straight to the bar, ordered a speciality b-day drink and told the bartender to "Keep 'em comin', mate".

They let me drink free since it was my legal birthday, but the drinks wore off after a while; at the Three Broomsticks, the drinks aren't really that strong :/... unless you drink some Felix Felicious (a potion that makes you radiate so much confindence, that even the people around you feel lucky to be in your presence)...

Once I got bored of drinking the wretched drinks, I decided to go and find me some Felix. I marched right out of the Three Broomsticks, and wandered the streets of Hogsmeade so that I could get that bottle of lucky feeling; then, I got an idea of where to go and decided to Apparate myself to Diagon Alley (also like the wizarding world's downtown part two), so that I could go down Knockturn Alley.

Okay so, before I continue, I'll have to admit that I was a little intoxicated, because nobody in there right mind goes down Knockturn Alley (you'd have to be pretty dark to go down this alley..), when they're sober.

I stumbled down the rumbled path of Knockturn, looking for..my mind trailed off for a moment when I saw the Dark Mark terrorizing the sky. I instantly felt sick to my very core, when groups of (what I assumed to be Death Eaters), skipped by the entrance to Knockturn, chanting Voldemort's name. They must have cast the Mark.. and then my mind showed me images of earlier that evening, when I had...when I had took the life of the Headmaster of Hogwarts. I paused where I was and leaned with my back against the wall; I had a sudden wave of heat wash over me and I felt flushed as my breathing picked up, and tears threatened to spill out of my eye lids.

I need that Felix now, I was thinking as I blinked back the tears, took some deep breaths, and strutted down Knockturn like I was it was my birthday (and it still was).

After strutting around for a bit, I found a store that had all kinds of colorful potions in the store front windows.

I stood up a little straighter, fluffed my hair, put on my poker face, and marched right into that potions store.

I walked right up to the counter and asked the employee behind it: "You got anything special for a birthday girl?" I recall twirling my hair with one hand with the other hand on my hip, while staring the bloke right in the eye.

The bloke behind the counter studied me for a second and I waited patiently for his eyes to come back up and meet my poker faced stare.

When his eyes finally met mine, he looked pleased with what he saw (it honestly took everything in me not to hex him).

"Well, let's see darling, we've got all kinds of potions, but you've got to tell me what you're lookin' for." The smirk he gave me was sickening, but I just bit my lip and acted as if I were thinking about it.

I looked around but I didn't see the liquid, gold substance that was Felix Felicious. So I just played with the birthday thing.

"Well, since it is my 17th.." I started off, still twirling my hair. "I was hoping to get lucky with a bloke by the name of Felix Felicious." I finished that remark by fluttering my eyes.

The bloke chuckled and told me that I was too cute to ignore, and that he would give me a free bottle as a birthday gift.

I watched as he waved his wand, mumbled "Accio Felix Felicious", and then he handed me the small bottle and said "You have a lucky rest of you birthday."

I clucthed the bottled luck in one hand and kept on twirling my hair with the other, when I said: "You have been greatly appreciated."

And the I winked at him and strutted out of that store. I didn't stop strutting or twirling my hair until I was back at the entrance to Three Broomsticks.

(And now that I think about it, I don't know how I made it out of Knockturn Alley alive.)...

I examined the small bottle that contained what looked like liquid gold, and if it wasn't, then I don't think anything could have messed me up more than I already was.

I took the cork out of the small bottle and chugged it; I instantly felt the liquid gold spread through me, as I tossed the bottle at nearby bloke who yelled out cat calls at me (the bottle hit a bloke in the head perfectly, and he ran off clutching his bloody head).

I laughed as he ran away, and I didn't even feel guilty about it..must have been the Felix.

It felt like I floated into the Three Broomsticks (with a little bit too much confidence) and went up to stand on a table in the middle of the bar. I took my wand, tapped my throat with it, and started singing a song that, (thanks to Felix) I sung like I had sung it a million times before. My wand made my voice sound like I was singing on a mike; the music to the song came out of nowhere and filled the bar, along with my voice.

I, well, Felix made up a song that I rocked out to. And oh, did everyone fancy it! I'd never had people dance around to my singing before. I'd been writing songs forever, but I'd never sung them out loud..

A lucky 17yr old, who could have sworn up and down that she was just high on life, rockin' out on a table, surfin' the crowd of, and dancing with total strange witches and wizards...

As I sung "It's my birthday, so I've gotta have you. I've gotta have YOU!", I pointed out exactly who I-I mean- Felix wanted. I walked right up to him, pulled him out of his chair, and danced around him while I sang. The crowd caught on to some of the song (some of the lucky, I should say), and danced around the bar.

The man Felix chose looked startled at first, but then he seemed to have caught some of the lucky that radiated off of me, because we danced like we weren't strangers.

As I continued to sing the song, I felt like I was having an outer body experience and that Felix was really singing, while I was experiencing deja-vu.

I felt his soft, pale skin with the tips of my hands. I felt his ice, cold breath blowing on my neck. It felt so good that it burned, I couldn't help but gasp out loud and grip onto him, wanting more, while the words flowed from my mouth into the tip of my wand.

His scent was so captivating and minty; I almost thought that I was in mint heaven.

When Felix decided to stop the words from coming out of my mouth, and to stop the music that came from nowhere, the guy that Felix chose and I snogged so hard and passionately, that my lips were raw: I felt so utterly right in that moment that I knew who ever this beautiful creature was, I wanted him to be mine forever.

This was it, I thought, I think I love him...whoa, Felix is strong, I thought. Then, the next thing I know..

We both were in a gothic type room, it was dark but he was so pale that I could point him out in the Forbidden Forest at midnight. Nonetheless, we had our hands wrapped around each other, like we were never going to let go. I was staring at him like I was hungry, and to tell the truth, I was..hungry for his body, anyway.

It was obvious that we were both in a terrible state of mind after everything that had happened that night; and on top of that I was struggling to fight of the strong force of the Felix potion (I shouldn't have drunk the whole bottle!)

I felt like I had blacked out for a while, and I had just woken up, so it was hard to stay focused.

But then, it just happened: He slowly reached his hand to stroke my cheek, and then he pulled me closer to his chest, and leaned down into a kiss; letting his other hand go through my hair.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and returned the favor...and then, he did something that really got my full attention.. he smirked at me like he had won a prize, and I knew that I had seen that somewhere; but where? I had seen that guy and his smirk before..it felt too weird and so right at the same time.

I felt like a flightless bird, the way I melted into him; our bodies fit perfectly in all the right places, it was like we were made for each other and this was supposed to happen, I was thinking as our clothes hit the floor.

No, this was to much, too weird...it was like I was under some love spell..I was in a trance as we made love. I came in and out of the scene unfolding in front of me. I kept trying to fight off the commands of the liquid luck; I wanted to feel this and make sure it was real.

It was honestly like deja vu, and little did I know...

And then, when it felt like I had won against Felix, I went under as the love spell took full control of me.


	3. State of grace

I woke up feeling..mixed feelings. I had about a million thoughts going around in my head, and on top of that, I was starving.

But that was the least of my worries; I had to figure out where I was and whose bed I was in... I sat up and realized that I was in a gothic type room, and that I was naked under the covers of the bed I was on.

I looked next to me on the left side of the bed, to find the clothes I had worn last night, folded neatly.

Well, whoever's bed I was in was at least a nice guy, I thought to myself.

I recalled everything: the Felix, singing, and being with my dream guy..

I threw on my boy shorts underwear, the little blue jean crop top (from last night), and the hump I had in my hair last night was long gone, so I just fluffed my hair with my hands and decided to go find this mystery guy.

I walked barefooted the bathroom inside the bedroom, so that I could wash my face and brush my teeth. I used an extra toothbrush I found..and then I used a spell to make me smell like a waterfall.

Okay, I breathed as I left the bathroom and opened the closed bedroom's door, so that I could go and find this guy.

The first thing I smelt was mint; a faint, but familiar smell.

I walked further out of the bedroom, closing the door behind me and beginning to explore.

The first thing I saw was a medium length, all black staircase.

I walked down the staircase and into a room that was gloomy, and all black.

I couldn't help but think that this was the house of a haunted soul...whose haunted soul was still the question..

I walked around, examining at the books in the cases, when I found one of my favorite love stories.

I took the book from its place and flipped through it; it had many dog-earred pages.

I stood facing the book cases, lost in the book, with my back to the open space.

"Are you enjoying that?" asked a voice from somewhere behind me.

It gave me a start and I turned around, closiing the book and clutching it to my chest.

OMB (Oh Merlin's beard)! I thought as I quickly looked over the man, who was leaning on the wall of the doorway with his arms crossed, nonchalantly. I couldn't believe who it was, but I tried not to let it show in my face as I answered him.

"I fancy forbidden love stories, yes..You know, what my favorite part is?" I said as I hugged the book to my chest, keeping my feet planted where they were, because I didn't trust legs that threatened to buckle beneath me.

He didn't say anything, he just raised his eyebrows in response.

"I love the part when Walter(the male character) has just confirmed that he's not human, when he and Jay(the heroine) are in the forest and he says-"

"So the beast fell for the precious beauty." He finished for me, while slowly walking over to me, only stopping when he was at arms length. "And Jay says-"

"What a dumb beauty." I finished for him this time. "And Walter says-"

"What a masochisitic beast." He finished for me again.

And then there was silence. It wasn't awkward, it was peaceful; it was like we were both studying each other and thinking.

I was thinking some many things at one time, and there was so many things I wanted to tell him. But how do you tell someone " I've been dreaming about you for years, and hey, I killed the guy you thought you killed last night", without actually saying it like that?

I looked into his eyes and there it hit me: Those were the eyes I'd seen in many dreams.

I thought about us together last night; I remember thinking that I loved him and feeling that emotion growing even stronger now, as I stood there.

It was weird, but I've always liked weird..

"I need you to use Legilimency on me" I blurted out to him, surprising myself.

"Excuse me?" He seemed taken back by this sudden demand.

"Please" I gulped. "I have a lot to say to you, and I-its just to much to put into words."

I then realized he'd stepped closer to me, and that I was completely still. I tried my best not to blush at how close we were because we had been a lot closer last night..

He reached out and took the book from my clutch, almost a little too rough, not completely meeting my gaze.

I watched him put the book on the shelf and then come back to stand in front of me.

"Please" I breathed, looking him directly in the eyes.

He finally meet my gaze and then he said: "You are going to have to open your mind and let me in".

I took a deep breath, and then took a small step closer to him, so that we were almost touching. "I'm ready."

And I was. I had cleared my mind, so that he could see all of my memories clearly.

His eyes boor into my eyes and I did my best not to blink or think.

After a while, he blinked away from me. He paced around the space for a bit, which made me nervous. I didn't know how to break that silence.

"Before you say anything" I blurted out to him as he faced me, now a few feet away, still not meeting my gaze.

"I followed you because I just wanted to help...and for a girl like me, last night was as good as it gets, so.." But I trailed off because I couldn't finish; I was looking down at the floor, sheepishly..

"Last night was a mistake" he spit out at me, and it hurt like a bow had been shot at me.

I kept my eyes averted from him as I blinked back burning tears. So I was a mistake? I couldn't help but think to myself.

I opened my mouth to say something, but no words came out at first. Until something inside of me clicked, and I found my voice and exactly the right words to say.

"Professor Snape" I said, my voice stronger than I would have expected.

"What happened between us last night was no mistake. I have been dreaming about you for years and if anything, I am in a state of grace."

I took small steps toward him and stood there in front of him.

He reached out to touch my face with one hand, and he pulled me against him with the other.

"You are not the mistake" he breathed to me, finally fully meeting my gaze.

Just like last night, he slowly leaned down to kiss me... I caught that lovely minty smell..and then he broke the kiss for a moment to say: "I never saw you coming".

He smirked that smirk again, making me blush and I replied "I will never be the same."

The snogging started up again, and we somehow made it to the bedroom..

I was definitely in a state of grace; I didn't know you could fall in love so fast...or was this lust? What's the difference?

But then, I lost my train of thought as things got hot and heavy.

Once again, I was under a love spell. And it felt oh-so-good..

I kept losing track of my thinking, it is so hard to keep track of thoughts when you're in a state of grace...

I smiled as he snogged my neck. This was defenitely done by the hands of fate...a forbidden love story, indeed..


	4. Officially

When the love spell was lifted, we sat in bed; I had to get him talking.

"Can I ask you question, Professor?" I asked, trying to find out more about him.

"Please, call me Serverus" he said.

"Okay, Serverus" I replied, trying to get used to using his first name.

"Why did you decide to become a teacher at Hogwarts?"

"Well, Tomlinson-" he started, but I cut him off and said : "You can call me Arabella.'

He nodded and continued "Well, Arabella, I was in a very dark place and..Dumbledore took me under his wing."

I could tell it was hard to say Dumbledore's name..it was still hard for me too, but we needed to have this conversation first.

"Oh" I managed to say. Then, I went on to ask: "What was it that left you in a dark place?"

He took a quick breath, and then he looked over at me and said: "The Dark Lord."

I looked away from him and thought for a moment. Hadn't I heard somewhere that he used to be a Death Eater?

"Whoa, okay, back up" I said. " Were you a Death Eater for Voldemort?"

He sighed "Yes."

"Why?" I was curious to why he had been a Death Eater.

It was silent for a while, so I turned to him, and I saw he was staring off in space, thinking.

"Are you alrigh'?" I asked, reaching over to touch his hand.

"I..I became a Death Eater because I was..I was angry" He seemed to be in his own world, like he was talking out loud to himself, so I removed my hand and just listened. "I had lost her to James Potter from the beginning...she would always come back to me when they fought, though..that's why James and his mates gave me a hard time in school..James couldn't stand losing her to me.. he knew we had been friends before we came to Hogwarts...She would always come back into my arms when he wasn't treating her right, but I could never really call her mine..not in public anyway..."

He trailed off for a moment, and I wasn't thinking of interupting..I needed to here this.

"He was almost mine, Harry was..he could have been my child...but he came out looking just like James, so.."

I was completely speechless as I listened.

"I stood and waited for her one day..we were supposed to run away together..when she didn't come, I returned and found out that she and James went off and got married..so he had finally won, and she left me behind...I couldn't take it so I became a Death Eater."

I stared off into space, trying to make sense of all of this.

"I became a teacher at Hogwarts so that I could protect..Lily's son" he cringed when he finally said her name. "And I keep an alliance with the Dark Lord, so I can protect Harry from him, but have him still think that I am on his side."

I took a minute to think over what he told me: So, he's still an active Death Eater..he's protecting Lily Potter's son because he's still in love with her and he was almost Harry Potter's father..That was a lot to take in.

I was still trying to shake the thought about him still being in love with Lily..does that mean that he can't love someone else? Can I not heal his broken heart?

Then, suddenly, he got out of bed abrutly and said: "I've said too much." And he hurriedly threw on his knickers that were on the floor.

"Where are you going?" I shot out, confused at his now hasty mood change.

"I'm going to take a shower" he announced as he headed toward the door.

"But there's a shower in here.." I began to point out what I assumed he already knew. (Wasn't this his house?), I was thinking.

"I just think it'll be easier.." he trailed off as he opened the door, about to walk out.

"What?" I was so confused about what he was saying. "What do you mean easier?"

"I mean.." He stopped in the door way, his back turned to me. "I mean, we need to be away from each other right now."

Where in bloody hell was this coming from!? I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"You say this now" I scoffed. "After you screw me, not once, but TWICE!?" I was furious as I said this, now out of the bed, edging toward him in my undergarments.

"It was a MISTAKE!" he bellowed at me, as we were now inches from each others faces. "It SHOULDN'T have happened!"

I was taken back for a moment. I thought he had understood; I had showed him my memories of the dreams and everything, even what happened the last night.

"Yeah, well it DID happen!...Does this have anything to do with..Lily?" I asked him, a little scared of how he was going to react. He flinched as I said her name, like when he had said it not to long ago.

"Do not speak her name" he said this through gritted teeth, like it was a threat.

"Oh" I breathed, while putting my hand to my mouth. "So, you're still in love with her, is that it?"

"That's none of your concern" he said defiantely, right in my face.

"It became my concern when YOU started SCREWING me!" I yelled at him with such force. "And you are pushing me away, just like SHE pushed you away!"

He looked taken back. Okay, I thought, maybe I'd went to far..but was he serious?

When I was just about to apoligize to him, he hit me. It was a hard slap across the face, and I had not seen it coming, but it shut me up; I guess that was the affect he wanted.

Just then tears started burning in my eyes, but I wouldn't let them fall. I knew it would be no use.

He shuffled around a bit, leaving me standing with my back to the room, facing the open door like I was about to walk out. But I couldn't; it felt like I was frozen in place.

He came back around to the front of my unmoving face after awhile and stared into my unblinking eyes.

While I was still in a zombie state, he did something with my arm, and the next thing I knew, one of our arms was twisted with one of the others. He made some movement (with what I believed to a wand), over our arms.

"Do you swear on your life, never to speak or show any proof of our interactions-including from when you came back to my office and everything that followed- to anyone or anything?" he asked me, the zombie.

Something in me clicked and a bearly audible "Yes, I do" came from my lips.

"And no matter what happens, do you swear on your life that you will go back to Hogwarts, and grieve with the rest of the students and never speak of this vow?" He demanded of me again.

"Yes, I do" I felt like I was a zombie bride, saying my vows in my completely dead voice.

He did a few more movements, but I was still staring, unblinkingly, straight pass him; but I felt his eyes on my eyes.

"You just made the Unbreakable Vow" he said then, in a dry voice.

"Yeah, I know" I finally found my real voice, but it came out sounding off to me.

And then, he moved around me, and started shuffling again.

As for me, I went back into zombie mode and stood there until he came and turned me around to face him.

He took my face in his hands, but I still gazed past him, even now.

He pulled me closer, almost about to snog me, but I pulled away. I tried to walk away, to just walk out of the bedroom door, but he scooped me up in his arms and laid me on the bed.

I forced myself out of zombie mode so that I could stop us from making another mistake (as he called it).

As I was getting up from the bed, he pulled me back onto the bed and put his lips close to mine, but they didn't touch.

My thinking was out of focus, out of mind and gravity became to much to fight off..

As I slipped under the love spell, my thoughts struggled to warn me about this treacherous slope I was headed down, but also how the path could be flawless..no, it was treacherous..and I like it.

Soon enough, I was completely under..once again..

I was mad yes; offically mad.


	5. The wicked idea

One day, after being back at Hogwarts for at least a week, I was headed to one of my lessons with my sister-like mate Luna Lovegood; supposedly pretending that everything was "normal".

"So how have the Nargles been, Luna?" I playfully put my arm around her shoulders, as we strolled to our Herbology lesson. (The Nargles are invisible creatures that only people who have seen death happen before their eyes. Luna watched her mum die, from a experimental mishap, when she was younger). "You haven't seen any, lately?" Luna asked me as she leaned her head on my arm, as we walked out of the castle. Herbology was in a greenhouse, not to far from the castle. "No" I confessed simply. "Well, maybe we've both gone completely mad, because I have seen anything either" Luna nudged me, playfully and shot me a dreamy smile.

I couldn't help but smile back at her; her hippie mood was SO contagious. As we were nearly to our lesson, Luna took the arm I had around her shoulders and put her hand in my hand; we walked while swinging our hands now.

I looked over at her as she was looking over at me, and we both broke out in chuckles. It was always fun to just be goofy with Luna; she loves you for who you are, no matter what. When we calmed down, I looked up at the sunny sky as we walked, thinking about how lucky I was to have Luna as my, well, sister.

You see, Luna and I aren't related by blood. But Luna and her father took me in (our families were really close), after my dad murdered my mum right in front of my eyes; so I see the Nargles and other "invisible" creatures, too. This all happened a year before I turned 11; before Year 1 at Hogwarts.

"Alrigh', students! GATHER AROUND!" yelled Professor Sprout (Herbology professor). Luna and I kept our hands together as we gathered around Professor Sprout, with some other Year 6 students from Ravenclaw and Gryfindor. The professor wanted us to pull some golden eggs out of the ground, for a the End of the year feast (we have a feast at the end of every school year). Luna and I let go of each others hands, but we worked together.

"Oi, Lu?" a light bulb went off over my head; I had an idea. "Yes, Bella?" Luna's angel/hippie voice called out from the ground, next to me. "Tell me what you think about this" I whispered as Luna leaned in closer to hear my idea. "What if we had a concert, instead of a feast this year?" "Oh, that's wicked!" Luna whispered excitedly to me. "We could have students and professors perform..and dress up like rockstars!" "That's exactly what I was thinking!" I whispered, giddily. "And we could still have food, but, like, party food."

Luna and I nodded happily in agreement, when a girl who was across from us, digging up golden eggs asked "Is the End of the year feast canceled?"

Luna and I both looked over at her, to see that it was Cho Chang, a Ravenclaw girl (just like us), asking.

"No, it was just an idea we were talking about" I gestered to Luna as I spoke.

"Yeah, it was just an idea, Cho" Luna chimed in. "Its not offical."

"Well, it should be!" Cho stood up and exclaimed her point. I immediately turned bright red, and dug my fingers into the dirt.

"Come on, Arabella and Luna! Tell everyone your wicked idea" Cho said it using mock excitement, like she was trying to be funny.

I looked around for Professor Sprout to come and put an end to this, but she was on the other side of the greenhouse, fighting with a stubborn plant that did not want to come out of the ground.

Ugh, I thought to myself. I shared a dorm with Cho for 6 years and we haven't spoken two words to each other, but now she decides to mess with me? Why do females do that?

"Cho, please.." I hissed as I turned to help Luna dig up her golden egg.

"Oh, no" gushed Cho. "We ALL would be just delighted to here it" Cho gestered to the now gathering crowd she had drawn over to us. Luna and I were literally surrounded by almost every student in the lesson.

Luna stood up, and then helped me up. I mumbled "Thanks, sis" to her and then I began to explain the idea Luna and I discussed.

"Well, Luna and I were just saying: what if we have a concert in place of the End of the year feast?"

"We could all dress up like rockstars, have party food, and any professor and student can perform!" Luna exclaimed to the crowd, dreamily.

I held my breath and braced myself for the bashing and hexing, but everyone started chatting excitedly about if we had the concert.

"Thanks for that, Cho!" Luna gave a little wave and a smile to Cho; Cho looked defeated as she sunk into the crowd.

I turned to Luna, who was now chattering away with a boy from Gryfindor, named Neville Longbottom. And I couldn't help but shake my head at Luna; that girl was truly one of a kind.

When all the lessons were done for the day, everyone went to the Great Hall for dinner.

I found my usually seat next to Luna at the Ravenclaw table, and dug in.

"Can you believe it?" Luna nudged me with her arm, playfully. "Everyone is spreading the word around about the concert!"

"I know, even the Professors think its a good idea!" I responded, happily.

"Well, we just have to get it pass *Headmaster Snape" Luna said with a gulp. (*Dumbledore left the Headmaster position to Snape, ironically).

I flinched at the sound of Snape's name, but Luna didn't notice.

"By the way" Luna continued in a more serious tone. "I didn't see you come back to the dorm after detention or the next morning."

My body stiffened and I stared down at my plate.

I quickly thought of a way to ease back into talking about the concert.

"I think the concert would cheer everyone up, before summer vacation, don't you think?"

"That makes sense, yeah" Luna answered thoughtfully, and then I, relieved, got back to eating while Luna started chatting excitedly to me about her outfit for the concert.

A few days later, I was walking down the hall and I saw about a million "END OF THE YEAR CONCERT! posters, hanging up all over the castle walls.

I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me, so I went to get a closer look at one of them, when there was a tap on my shoulder. When I turned, no one was there, so I went back to studying the poster.

Then, there was a tap on each of my shoulders at the same time. I turned my whole body around, to find myself facing to identical, gingered haired boys.

"Hey" they said in unison, which made me laugh, as I said "Wotcher" in response.

"So, you're Arabella?" asked one of the gingers, as he leaned on the other gingers shoulder.

"Last time I checked" I replied slyly, as I leaned against the wall, clutching two spell books in my arms.

"The one who came up with this brillant idea?" asked the other ginger, gestering to one of the many posters on the wall.

I smiled and said "With the help of Luna Lovegood, of course."

The two nodded in agreement and said in unison "Nice".

I burst into giggles and asked "Are you two always like this?"

"You'll get used to us" smiled one of them.

The other one said "I sure hope so" with a twinkle in his eye, which made my blush beet red. I had to look down for a second.

"Ay, you've got here blushin', Fred!" said one of them, poking the one named Fred (the one with the twinkle in his eye).

"Oi, her cheeks match the color of my hair, George!" said Fred, to the one named George.

"You mates are really cheeky!" I laughed.

"No.." Fred started, as he surprised me by coming closer to me to touch my cheek and then said (while looking me directly in my eyes), "You are" there was a smile crept up on his lips, and I blushed beet red, again.

But our little moment was interuptted, when George cleared his throat and gestered to the new Headmaster coming towards us.

I pulled away from Fred, as Snape approached.

"Miss Tomlinson, a word with you in my office?" Snape demanded; I gave the twins an apoligetic smile and then turned to follow the Headmaster.

"Yes, Headmaster?" I asked once we were in his office (Dumbledore's old office).

But, I hardly had time to finish my question because, he had crushed his lips to mine.

I struggled to pull away, and I tried pushing him off of me.

"What are you doing?" I spit out as I backed toward the door.

"I miss you" he declared in a low voice.

I felt my heart flutter, but regreted it instantly. "No, this is over..you said so yourself."

"Goodbye" I whispered as I was about to open the door, but I was to slow.

Snape was already pulling me towards him. I stared on with fearful eyes; I didn't want to be taken advantage of again, but as soon as his lips touched mine again, I felt that love spell, deja vu trance.

But I knew I should fight it off, I wanted to..where is your inner strength when you needed it?

This continued for a couple of months: Snape would call me into his office, I would go in and tell him this has to end, and then he would always win.

He only called me when he wanted me, otherwise, I was dead to him.

So, one day, I just didn't go to his office when he called. I found some will power, and decided to use it.

But, of course, he found me.

He cornered me in a deserted hallway, and confronted me.

"Look, I keep finding myself coming back to you." he whispered. "I want you and I'm sorry" he pleaded.

"You think you can just keep showing up and apoligizing?" I hissed. "Well, I was there to hear you say "This was a mistake".

"This is the last time, I won't hurt you anymore" he whispered, sincerly.

I couldn't believe what I was about to ask, but went for it.

"Do you still love her?"

"What?" he breathed.

"After all this time" I choked out. "Do you still love her?"

And it was obvious now that I was that I was referring to Lily Potter. His facial expression changed from confused to in pain, in a matter of seconds. I held my breath, scared to hear the response.

His eyes overfilled with tears and he was silent for a moment. I didn't dare say a word as tears threatened to spill from my eyes.

"Always" Snape simply said, as if it should have already been a known fact.

I felt a great pain in my chest; it was like someone was squeezing my heart and it was hard for me to breath as tears spilled out of my eyes.

We stared at each other for a moment. Then, I said: "This is the last time I let you in."

And then, we just stared into each others eyes as our tears dried.

I wanted to be done so badly, but that just wasn't the case was it?

After our little moment in the hallway, he was even more distant and harsh than he was before. But I couldn't tell anyone because, I had made the Unbreakable Vow..and besides everything else, I have..strong feelings for him...love, perhaps?

So I started writing my feelings down, like songs. I had a guitar too, so I would sing them and play my guitar, usually when no one was in the girls' dorm. But, I let Luna hear some off them from time to time: She kept bugging me to perform at the concert, so I told her I would if she would perform something, too. She agreed and told me that I'd better get ready to blow everyone's socks, off with my "magical talent".

That Luna is truly something.

On the night of the concert, I fely extremely under dressed.

Luna wore a bright pink mini dress, with matching pumps, hair highlights, and of course her butterbeer bottle cap necklace and her radish earrings.

I was wearing my pale, blond hair up in a high ponytail with a few pink hairlights of my own, pale pink makeup, a pale pink, 'flowy' type dress with tan cowgirl boots.

As Luna and I made our way to the Great Hall, I told her " .hawt!"

She chuckled and said "Not nearly as hawt as you!" I waved her off and said "Well, you did say you were going to dress like a rockstar!"

When we made it to the Great Hall, it looked like this like a celebrities tripped out masion.

"One word" I gawked at the amazing scenery.

"Breathtaking" Luna and I said in unison, and then we burst out laughing as we linked arms and marched into the party.

We danced around together and with other people, to the songs the performers were sung.

Some performances were goofy: Fred and George attempted to sing a lovey-dovey duet, and Hagrid (Professor of Care of magical creatures), attempted to sing a rock n' roll song. Some performances were pumped up, seranades: Ginny Weasly seranaded Harry Potter, and Hermione Granger seranaded Ron Weasly; they both were awesome. Some songs were just plain catchy: Luna rocked out to a bubblegum pop song about a girl asking out a guy, and I think I saw her singing to Neville Longbottom; they were practically flirting the whole night.

I felt shaky about going on stage singing an original song, that nobody knew.

When my turn was coming up soon, I was about to make a run for it; I was just about to high tail it right out the door, when someone softly grabbed my arm.

I turned around and saw Fred Weasly; the ginger with the twinkle in his eyes.

"Hey" I said as he stood there in front of me; I had this weird feeling in my stomach, and my palms got sweaty. I was even nervous to talk to him; I started blushing the moment I said "Hey".

"I haven't even spoken yet, and you start to blush" he jokingly pointed out, as he put a loose strand of my hair behind my ear. My breathing picked up.

"I must be good" he smiled, and I blushed some more, as I smiled back at him.

As if on cue, one of my favorite love songs came from someone singing on stage and Fred asked if I wanted to dance.

I smiled and said yes, and he wrapped his arms around my waist, as I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned in to his chest. I am positive my heart was beating out of my chest the whole time we danced.

I couldn't help but think that I'd never felt like this before; not even with Snape, and I claimed I had strong feelings for him.

While I danced with Fred, I started to realize that love and lust were different. And maybe what I had with Snape wasn't actually love; maybe that was what I was brainwashed to believe. Maybe it was just lust after all.

But I shook those thoughts as I looked into Fred's twinkling eyes. Why did his eyes twinkle whenever he was with me? I asked myself. That's not normal, I thought. I'm not used to that..But, then again, I don't have much experience in the romance department, so..

It was easy to dance with Fred, it felt natural. I felt like a princess and he was my prince..it just flowed.

I let the music fill my thoughts as he spun me around, and brought me back in. Then, spun me around again, and brought me back in. By then, I was humming along to the beat of the song, I knew so well.

Our eyes stayed connected as we danced like we'd been dancing forever, with smiles daring to break out on each of our lips as the love song went on.

This is so easy, I thought to myself, happily.

As Fred spun me again, I got a glimpse of Luna dancing with Neville. They looked cozy and I couldn't help but smile over at them. Fred saw me and followed my gaze; Neville and Luna looked over and smiled back at us. Luna winked crazily at me and I playfully rolled my eyes at her, and turned back to Fred.

"I like dancing with you" I said shyly to him.

"Well" he started, pulling me in closer. "I'm glad we're on the same page."

We stared into each others eyes for a moment, and just when the song was about to end, Fred leaned down into a kiss, I went up on my tip toes.

As our lips touched, I saw fireworks. The kiss was so blissful and passionate, that Fred nearly picked me up.

My leg went up like the girls in the movies leg goes up, when they finally kiss the guy they fancy.

When the kiss ended, I went back to standing on my own two feet and Fred still had his arms around my waist; he was giving me this meaningful look, almost like he was going to say something.

It wasn't until someone cleared their throat, that Fred and I noticed that everyone was staring at us and there was no music anymore. A few people whistled at us.

"Its your turn Bella" Luna said softly to me from nearby, with a goofy smile plastered on her face.

I blushed beet red of course, and Fred leaned down and whispered "Save the last dance for me", before quickly planting a snog on my cheek and departing to somewhere in the crowd behind me.

I shot a small smile at Luna and Neville, before I turned and made my way up to the stage. (The stage had been enchanted, so that whoever performed up their could be heard through the whole Hall.)

When I finally made my way up to the stage, everyone was watching me. They were literally staring at me, waiting for the music to start up again.

"Um, I'm Arabella and I'm going to sing something I wrote" I began nervously to the waiting crowd.

I heard a crowd of whoops; I looked over and saw Fred and George, and Luna and Neville, beaming at me. I tried my hardest not to blush.

"Uh, the song is called 'Dance all night'" I informed the crowd.

I took my wand and said a spell to bring my guitar to me, I enchanted the instruments on the stage to play to the beat of the song. After I put my wand in my boot, I waited for two seconds, and my guitar came zooming into the Great Hall and right into my hands. Then, I took a breath and started to sing with the instruments following along: "Long live the love story of me and you! Dance, that's what we like to do. I could dance all night long with you!"...

I scanned the crowd and watched everyone dancing and having a good time, and singing along to the chrous.

People looked so happy; and it made me happy to see so much love in one room. The song was based on a great love story: I wrote the song back when my grandparents were still alive. Its based on their perfect love story that I would always ask them to tell me, over and over. But sadly, they never lived to hear the song; so I was singing for them and all the other great love stories being created right here in this room...I hope this song would be the song they call "our song", and every time they heard it, they would stop where they were and dance together.. I caught sight of Fred watching me perform, like he were watching a goddess at work in heaven. And I couldn't help it: I had to blush.

I was really falling into the song..I started dancing around on stage with my guitar, like no one was watching.

I can honestly say that I sung my heart out; I just fell into the words of the song...

After my performance, the crowd gave me a standing ovation and I was smiling from ear to ear in the most cheeky way!

I returned my guitar using a spell, and then Luna tackled me when I was making my way to the punch bowl.

"YOU ARE A SUPERSTAR!" she practically yelled at me. We were jumping around like two year olds, while people were dancing around us saying that we both rocked.

"YOU TOTALLY ROCKED OUT UP THERE, LU!" I choked out into her hair; we were basically strangling each other.

Then, Neville came to steal her away again; I told them to have fun as I went to get myself some butterbeer from the punch table.

When I finished drinking butterbeer, Fred found me just as a salsa type song came from someone singing onstage.

He just came and grabbed my hand, cleared the dance floor so it was just me and him, and we danced like professionals as everyone watched and cheered.

When we finished dancing, we left the Great Hall and we just walked the halls of Hogwarts, holding hands and talking, when Fred asked me if I wanted to spend summer vacation at The Burrow (his house). I told him that I'd love to; I usually spent my summers with Luna and her dad, but I had a feeling Luna was going to be spending the summer with Neville Longbottom.

We talked about almost being with done with school: He was in Year 7 and I was in Year 6.

We talked about his plans for after school: He and George were going to open up a joke shop in Hogsmeade; I told him about how I wanted to be a singer (he wasn't surprised).

Then, Fred took me back into the Great Hall to meet his other friends siblings: I met Ron and Ginny Weasly, and Hermione Granger (Ron's girl) and Harry Potter (Ginny's mate.) George was there with us too.

Ron, Harry, and George were really goofy and keep telling Fred: "You picked a nice one, mate"- which made me blush. Hermione told me that she was going to be at the Burrow for the summer too, her and Ginny both seemed happy to have me; Hermione and Ginny kept grinning wildly, looking at each other, and then beaming at me like they knew something I didn't. But I didn't comment on it at the time, I just beamed back at them; the happiness was contagious and it filled my mind.

Rmione* (Ron and Hermione), Garry* (Ginny and Harry), George, Fred and I talked for a while about everything from Quidditch to music. The whole time Fred had his arm around my waist, and I leaned into his chest; the two other couples were interwined as well, George had disappered with some mates of his.. I honestly hadn't realized Fred's arm on my waist at first because it felt so natural..what did all this mean?

Ron told a joke and I stole the punch line, which made everyone laugh twice as hard. As our die hard laughing started to numb, Harry piped up and asked me: "Where've you been all this time?" and Ginny seconded him and said: "Yeah! I'm glad to see you come out of your shell". And when I just laughed, Hermione said: "I used to be shy, too, wouldn't speak a word to anyone."

"Yeah, righ'" Ron scoffed, which made Hermione blush and nudge Ron in the stomach as we all cracked up all over again. I laughed into Fred's chest, and when I looked up he was staring down into my eyes. My breath was suddenly caught in my throat and I only saw him; he reached down and gently placed some loose strands of my hair behind my ear. I blinked, and turned back to to the group; Ron and Harry were talking about something, Ginny and Hermione were giving me that look again, I took a quick breath and tried to smile to hide the blush creeping up in my cheeks. I still felt Fred lean his face to my hair, almost like he was hiding from the girls, then I felt him give me little kisses in my hair. I felt electric warmth spread through me, and it was impossible to hide the blush now. The girls nodded to me, grabbed Ron and Harry, and left Fred and I there. The moment they walked away, Fred breathed into my ear "I thought they'd never leave."

Butterflies flew all over my body and I was glued to the spot. Fred turned me around to face him; our noses actually touched. I was a statue, staring unblinkingly into his eyes. There he was again, staring at me like I was a goddess.

I looked back at him, afraid of what I was feeling. I felt the world closing in on me: You can't love two people. And what is love anyway? You can't fall in love so fast, can you?

I stumbled back, away from Fred: I had to gather my thoughts. Snape kept popping into my head, and I was struggling to keep him out.

"What's wrong?" Fred asked worriedly, reaching out toward me. I looked up into his brown eyes from a moment and decided to take his outstretched hand. He looked less worried when I moved in closer to him with a smile on my lips. I just couldn't shake the feelings I was having for Fred; with him, it was just easy. He took me into his arms with a bright, goofy grin, and we started dancing close. I don't even remember if there was any music playing, but we didn't need it. All I saw was him, and I hoped he only saw me, too.

As I came back into him after a twirl, I giggled and said "This is going to be an interesting summer."

Fred laughed and leaned down for a kiss, as I stood up on the tips of my toes. Our lips crashed and I felt the stars align in the sky; my leg went up slowly, just like in the movies.

Yes, this was definitely going to be an interesting summer, I thought as I wrapped my arms around Fred's neck and melted into him.

And in that moment, I knew this was the beginning: my life was changing and for the better or the worst, well, I wasn't so sure about what direction I was being lead; was this real or is this pretend?

But, my thoughts were pushed aside when we came up for air and Fred breathed into my ear (with a twinkle in his eyes): "Let's get out of here."

Goosebumps covered my skin as we made our way past couples and groups of mates; we ran out of the Great Hall and past classroom doors. We navigated our way through deserted hallways with our hands intertwined.

As we turned a corner, we ran straight into someone. All of the blush drained from my face at once, I felt caught, like I'd done something wrong. Fred tightened his grip on my hand and we both stood there for a moment as we looked sheepishly into the pale face of Snape.

Snape blankly looked at Fred first, then he glanced at me with narrowed eyes before looking back to Fred, who nodded his head at Snape and said "Headmaster" to be polite.

Snape blinked at Fred in response and then there was an awkward silence. I saw Snape's eyes fall to Fred and my intertwined hands; his eyes lingered there for a moment, and then his eyes met mine. I swallowed hard, looked to Fred and cleared my throat.

Fred took the hint, nodded to Snape once more and then pulled me along with him as we made our way around Snape, who said nothing and continued on our way; Fred put his arm around my shoulders and lightly snogged my hair again. I giggled as we hurried along, but I snuck a look behind me before we turned another corner: Snape was watching us as we went, still in the space place we'd left him.

It was better this way, I told myself. We were just hurting each other by being together...or whatever we were..

I started feeling guilty for not telling Fred that I'd been with Snape; but Fred wasn't my mate, and if I wanted him to be, I'd have to forget about ruining something that hadn't even began.

No, I told myself. Someday, when hopefully Fred and I would end up happily together, I would tell him.

Yes, I reassured myself, someday.


	6. Options

Fred lead me up to the Gryfindor boy dorms (we used one of Fred and George's famous shortcuts).

He held the door to his dorm open for me and I walked in, looking around at the messy bunk beds. Fred closed the door behind him and then walked over to a bunk closest to the one window in the dorm. "This is my bunk on the bottom and George's bunk is on top."

I nodded and walked over to Fred. "Do you mind if I sit down?" "No, no go ahead." He opened his bed's curtain and cleared some things from his bed and gestured for me to sit, which I did and then Fred sat down next to me.

Fred removed his shoes and sat them at the near his trunk. I did the same with my cow girl boots, but I put them under the bed. "So..." I started, "This is your bed." I looked at Fred and playfully and acted like I expected him to give me a speech about his bed. I eagerly raised my eyebrows at him.

Fred burst out chuckling, and I giggled. We laughed for a while before Fred cleared his throat, very un-Fred like, and said: "We don't have to do anything that will make you uncomfortable, Bella." "Huh?" I asked as I caught my breath from our laughing fit. "Oh, we can just talk a little bit more, you know, just hang out here for a bit."

"Yeah, I want to get to know you better AraBella" Fred smirked at me. I smirked back and said "Same here." I playfully poked Fred in his right arm and he faked like I had hurt him. "Oi, that really, really hurt!" he put his left hand on the spot where I poked him and faked a sob. "Well, how can I make it better?" I asked Fred in a mock caring tone. "I've got one idea..." Fred gave up his hurt act and winked at me. I rolled my eyes playfully and leaned over to him and planted my lips on his.

We snogged for a minute until I pulled back and jokingly asked Fred "All better now?" He acted like he had to think about it and then said "Nope, not even close", before pulling me onto his lap and closing his bed's curtain. We snogged for a while and then we laid down in his bed; he had his arm around me, and my head was on his chest. We looked out the window (through the open slit of the curtain), talking about what we saw on the castle grounds until the other boys started filing into the dorm.

"OMB" I whispered to Fred. "Should I leave?" Just then, George pulled Fred's bunk's curtain back a little and peaked inside.

I blushed beet red as he looked at me and then his brother with a smirk. "Aligh', little Freddie has finally become a man." George talked with his voice down because Fred put his hands to his lips as if to say "Shh!" "George, close the curtain and if anyone asks tell them I'm down for the night" Fred whispered to his brother.

George winked at his twin and then at me before closing the curtain. I could hear the muffled sounds of boys talking and moving around. "Should I go?" I mouthed to Fred, who whispered to me "So soon?"

I stared at Fred for a moment, feeling butterflies in my stomach and knowing that I didn't want to leave. I racked my brain for ideas on how to stay without being overheard by the boys.

And then I remembered a spell I had heard Hermione talking about, so I took out my wand and murmured "Muffliato."

Fred looked at me quizically and I smiled and said without whispering "They won't be able to hear anything that happens in here."

Fred smiled back at me and said without whispering "Good."

I know what you're thinking; "Fred and Bella did it!"

But you're wrong, we didn't "do it". We just stayed up for a little while longer, talked, snogged and then the next thing I knew, I woke up lying next to Fred Weasly.

I couldn't help but smile at Fred's sleeping body, snoring slightly next to me.

I looked out the slit in the curtain and out of the window to see the a big, blue sky with the sun shining happily down on Hogwarts castle. I didn't see a cloud in the sky.

Maybe Fred and I could skip our classes today, I thought to myself, uncharacteristically I might add. I never, ever skipped a class in my life. But I was all for trying new things, as you know by now, so I was totally going to present my idea to Fred when he woke.

I laid back down just as George peaked his head into Fred's curtain. "Are you two going to your classes today?" he whispered to me.

"Nope" I whispered back happily. "We're sleeping in today."

George winked at me goofily and closed the curtain as I snuggled into Fred and drifted right back to sleep.

That wasn't the last time I ditched my classes (apart from lunch) to hang with Fred and apparently, I wasn't the only one who decided to ditch.

Luna and I met up at lunch to talk about what we've been up too. And let's just say that Luna and Neville have been up to a bit more than Fred and I have.

"No way!" I gasped as Luna told me what she and Neville had did, when she spent the night in his dorm the previous night. "Way!" Luna chirped dreamily. She even seemed happier; which I didn't think Luna Lovegood could be any happier than she is. "And we snogged all through detention yesterday, so we have to go back tonight." "Oh yeah." I laughed a little remebering all the detentions Fred and I've been racking up lately. "I guess Fred and I will see you and Neville tonight."

Luna giggled and her cheeks turned rosy.

"Are you happy, Lu?" I asked Luna even though the answer was obvious. I just wanted to her hear chirpy voice say it. "So happy! And do I even have to ask you the same?" Luna smiled from ear to ear and I couldn't help but smile wide too; I didn't even have to respond because my smile said it all to her.

"So, have you and Fred..you know?" Luna leaned in closer to me and waited excitedly for my response. I smiled down at my hands and shook my head before looking back at Luna. "No, Fred and I haven't...you know..." Luna smiled at me and said playfully "Not YET anyway..." "So, AraBella?" a girl's voice asked from across the table.

My breathing picked up as I looked over to see Cho Chang and one of her mate's staring menacingly over at me.

"Yes, Cho?" I responded hesitantly. "How is it that you've been spending so much time in Fred Weasly's dorm, but you haven't slept with him yet?" Cho practically yelled this out into the Hall, making loads of people stop eating and look over to the Ravenclaw table as I felt my face turn beet red.

"Cho, stop it" Luna shot out Cho as her mate laughed. I was grateful to Luna for sticking up for me since I was struggling to keep my temper at the moment.

"Oh, you're one to talk!" yelled Cho's mate, who actually stood up. "HEY, everyone!" she screamed so loud that everyone in the Hall was now giving her their full attention. Even the Profesors, at the head table were peering over out of curiousity for this strange outburst. "Luna Lovegood and Neville Longbottom are doing a little more than snogging these days!"

Everyone's eyes either went on Neville or Luna, but mine were on Cho, who was standing up now with her wand in her hand. I instantly stood up as well, with my wand at the ready.

Luna gently tugged on my arm. "Bella, no" she barely whispered to me. "It's not worth it."

"I'll sit down if she does" I nodded my head at Cho.

"And if she doesn't" Cho's mate had her wand out too.

Luna stood up now, wand pointed at Cho's mate.

"Cho, take your mate and leave the Hall, there doesn't have to be any trouble" Luna said softly.

"Not a chance, you...you SLUT!" shouted Cho's mate at Luna. There were gasp intakes from various places in the Hall and then the silence was deafening.

I had to take a moment to understand what I just heard. Was this witch talking to my sister like that? Or was I losing my mind, even more so now?

"That was a good one" Cho high fived her mate like she did a spell correctly.

"Give it a rest and walk away now, or you will reget it " I forced out through clenched teeth.

"Reget what?" Cho's mate inquired innocently. "Being touched touched a slut?"

"IF YOU INSULT MY SISTER AGAIN, I WILL END YOU!" The next thing I knew, I had Cho's mate in a headlock, and Fred and George rushed over to get me away from the girl. I saw Cho lifting her wand at Luna, so I pointed my wand at Cho with one hand, struggling to keep her mate in a headlock with the other. I yelled "EXPELLIARMUS! Cho's wand dropped to the floor and I dropped her mate to the ground and Fred and George finally had me away from the girl and next to Luna, who was being comforted by Neville.

All was silent, until Snape walked swiftly from the Head table and past the lot of us.

"Miss Tomlinson, follow me" he declared as he walked swiftly on.

"NO!" I exclaimed loudly, making everyone in the Hall gasp as one. I even surprised myself a little.

Snape stopped in his tracks and turned to face me. He was about five feet away from me, but I could see the shock on his face clearly enough.

"I'm not going anywhere with you, Headmaster" I cringed on that last word like it left a bad taste in my mouth.

"AraBella" if anyone else would have said this, it would have sounded like they were simply calling my name. But no, when it came out of Snape's mouth it sounded as if he was saying "Cut the crap" with just saying my name.

"NO!" I yelled just as defiantly as before. I even crossed my arms across my chest and stomped my foot on the floor, like I was a three year old throwing a tantrum.

"Miss Tomlinson!" squealed little Professor Flitwick, the Head of Ravenclaw House and the Charms professor. "Folllow me to my office this instant!" I huffed on behind the Professor with my arms still folded across my chest, stomping the whole way.

Flitwick stopped to say something to Cho and her mate on the way, but I just stomped on to his office in Ravenclaw tower, and waited impatiently.

I leaned my head against his office door and tapped my right foot for about a minute.

"Somebody's in a hurry, huh, deary?" Professor Flitwick sighed as he rounded a corner and walked up to me.

I stopped tapping my foot and just peered down at him, waiting for him to open his office door.

He looked up at me for a second, like he was waiting for something, and then he cleared his throat and remembered that I was blocking the door.

"Oi, sorry" I quickly moved out of the way and felt my cheeks burn bright red.

"Ah" Professor Flitwick chuckled as he took in my rosy cheeks. "There she is."

And then he took out his office key and unlocked the door. He held the door open for me and I walked into the dark office, waiting for the Professor to enter and turn on the lights.

The Professor entered the office, and I saw the outline of his little figure shuffle about for a moment or so before waving his wand, making the lights flash on.

Flitwick's office was small and cozy, like him.

"Would you like to sit down, Miss Tomlinson?" Flitwick offered me to sit in a big, blue bean bag chair that was across from his desk. I took one look at it's comfortable qualities and decided against getting relaxed. If I was going to be punished, I didn't want to be all comfortable when it happened.

"I'd rather stand if that's alright with you, Professor" I declared and standing up a little straighter and folding my arms behind my back.

"Well, okay, if you want to play it that way, AraBella" Professor Flictwick looked at me in a stern way that made me squirm.

"Would you like to tell me what has been going on with you lately, hmm? Or would you like me to guess?"

I looked down at the blue carpeted floor and swallowed.

"So, here we go: Girl meets Lad, Lad and Girl fall in love, and Girl decides to skip ALL of her classes, except for lunch of course, and now Girl is threatening to, and I quote 'end' another student's life." Flitwick paused for a moment, as if for dramatic affect.

"Now, have I hit the nail on the head or am I completely wrong? Please tell me, Miss Tomlinson, am I correct?"

I almost let out a huge sigh of relief at the fact that the Professor didn't say anything about Snape. But, if I must say, he did hit the 'Girl meets Lad' aka 'Fred and I' story right on the head or nail or whatever.

"Yes, Professor Flitwick" I sighed. "You got me; Fred and I are, um, really close nowadays and I'll have to admit that I haven't been on top of my game as a student, but I just, um" I had suddenly begun to feel a lump arise in my throat.

It was as if I was about to spill every little detail of my insane life to Flitwick; it was as if I wanted to tell him everything and just have someone of his wisdom tell me that it was all going to be okay somehow.

"I just, um; can I sit down, please?" I cleared my throat and glanced at Flitwick as he gestured to the big, blue bean bag chair that was across from his desk. I went and plopped down in the chair and it was even more comfortable than imagined. I laid back into the chair and inhaled the sweet smelling air of Flitwick's office.

What am I doing in here? I thought to myself as I played with my hands. Why am I wasting this man's time?

"Miss Tomlinson?" Flitwick brought my attention back to him. "If there's anything you would like to talk about, I want you to know that I'm here for you."

I looked at the Professor for a moment; he looked sincerly concerned.

I stared down at my hands, blinked away tears, and swallowed the lump in my throat. "If I could tell you anything, Professor, I would. But I can't, I just can't."

Tears were rolling down my cheeks now, and I was hastily wiping them away.

"Here" I blinked a few times before I realized that a small, clear box of pink cupcakes was floating in front of me. "Take as many as you like."

I took the whole box and then glanced at Flitwick, who sat his wand down, since he no longer needed to make the cupcake box levatate back to him.

I opened the small, clear box and stuffed one whole cupcake in my mouth (it didn't have a wrapper on it.)

The cupcake was so fluffy and light that it melted on my tongue.

I stuffed another into my mouth, and another and so on until the small, black box was empty.

"How many were in there, Professor?" I asked Flitwick as I sat the box down on the blue, carpeted floor next to me.

"Ten" replied the Professor simply as he folded his hands together on his desk. "How do you feel, Miss Tomlinson?"

I thought about that question for a moment. I felt strangely calmer than I was before I'd eaten the cupcakes.

"I feel...calm" I shrugged my answer to the Professor who nodded in response.

"Those are special cupcakes, they have a calming affect on the one who consumes them" Flitwick informed me.

I needed that calmness, I mentally noted.

Tap, tap. There were two small knocks on Flitwick's door and he invited the knocker in.

I looked over my shoulder at the person who entered and I was surprised to see Draco Malfoy.

"Yes, ?" Flitwick inquired.

"The Headmaster requests that AraBella be sent to his office immediately." Draco looked sideways at me when he said my name.

But wait... did he just say that the Headmaster wants to see me? I had to bite my lip and close my eyes to keep from cursing out loud. I honestly don't why I'm even surprised.

"What's wrong with her?" Malfoy sneered.

"I can't go to his office, Professor" I breathed to Flitwick, ignoring Malfoy's comment. "So, please don't make me."

"Well, Miss Tomlinson, he's the Headmaster. I can't disobey orders and-" Flitwick broke off midsentence because at that moment my eyes flew open.

My eyes bore straight into the Professor's eyes. I don't know what he saw, but his facial expression turned from defensive to shockingly blank. He seemed to be processing something for a moment.

"Tell the Headmaster that I will deal with Miss Tomlinson's outburst in my own way, since she is a student in my House" Flitwick told Malfoy in one breath and then sent him out, closing the door behind him.

He then came over to where I was sitting; he stood in front of me, studying me for a moment. I kept my head down, and I stared at my hands.

"What did he do to you, Miss Tomlinson?" Flitwick asked me in a low voice.

I felt myself gasp silently, almost holding my breath as I struggled to stop the sudden tears from escaping my eyelids.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Professor" I replied in a hoarse voice. I tried swallowing multiple times, to cure my extremely dry throat, but it was useless.

It was quiet for a few moments, but I didn't dare look up from my hands.

I felt Professor Flitwick's eyes on my face, and instead of feeling my cheeks burn beet red and warm, it was like all the color and warmth had been drained from my body. I just felt cold now; I knew the truth was going to come out somehow, and it felt like it would be revealed sooner than later.

But I wasn't ready for that, and neither was Snape.

Flitwick's door flew open, grabbing the attention of Flitwick and I. I looked over my shoulder to see Snape's tall, pale figure looming in the doorway.

Flitwick looked at me, probably expecting me to protest to this sudden appearance.

"Excuse me" I whispered to Flitwick. He looked at me for a long moment, and then silently moved out of my way as I stood up and made my way over to Snape.

Snape stood in the doorway and looked down at me over his crooked nose. I felt sheepish there under his gaze, but he didn't stare at me for long.

"I'll take it from here" Snape said to Flitwick as he let me pass him in the doorway way. I waited for him to close Flitwick's door and walk pass me.

"Follow me" Snape said in a low tone. And I did.

I followed him as lead the way down the familiar path to his office. When we reached the gargoyle outside of the Headmaster's office, he said the password (Death), and when the gargoyle moved, we went up the spiral staircase.

I was suprised to see Luna, Neville, and Fred and George standing in a huddle when we walked into the office.

"Bells, do you have something to tell us?" Luna asked me in soft voice.

"You don't have to be afraid, we're you're mates" Neville seconded.

"Yeah, Bella" Fred and George said together.

"Just tell us" pleaded George.

"You'll be fine" pushed Fred.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" I yelled, freaking out like a mad person. "WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON!?"

And all of a sudden I heard someone calling my name softly and tugging on my arm. I opened my eyes to see a hand on freckled hand on my arm. My eyes followed the arm until I saw Fred's worried face looking down at me; I sat up and sheepishily pulled a piece of parchment off of my face. I sleepily looked around to saw that I'm in detention. And then I remember that I had to serve with... Snape.

My eyes landed on Snape, who was grading papers, when I thought this, but I quickly moved my eyes back to Fred's worried face.

"You were mumbling in your sleep" Fred whispered. "Snape didn't seem to notice, but I didn't want you to get in more trouble."

I give Fred a smile of thanks and I return to writing lines on my parchment with my quill.

It was about 7PM, when he announced that detention was over.

Neville and Luna, who both sat near a corner, finally stopped snogging and Fred and I had finally stopped writing love notes on each others arms. We were all just about to leave when Snape said: "Miss Lovegood, Mr. Longbottom, you will both be spending another night in detention tommorrow with Filch."

Nevile and Luna just held hands, shrugged and practically skipped out of the classroom, with a chuckling Fred and myself, following behind them.

"Miss Tomlinson?" when Snape said my name, I stopped dead in my tracks, the chuckling I was involved was caught in my throat now as I turned to face Snape.

"Yes, Headmaster?" I asked coughed out, making my eyes watery.

"You will need to stay a little while longer."

My breathing stopped completely. I didn't even blink. Was he bloodly serious!?

"Bella" Fred's voice caught my attention. I whipped my head to my right to see he was standing next to me.

He gave me a small smile and planted a quick kiss on my cheek, before turning to leave. "I'll see you later, love."

And with that, I was alone with Snape. I blinked and looked around the classroom with startled eyes to find the classroom vacant.

How long had I been standing there motionless?

My eyes now flickered to the only person left in the room. Snape.

I studied the way he stood there, looking like a vampire. All pale skinned with a hungry look in his eyes. It was no question what he wanted.

"Look, Headmaster I have LOTS of homework I need to get started on. And I mean LOTS! There's the essay for Herbology, and that other essay for Muggle Studies..." I just started rambling, hoping that I would say something that would make him let me go free.

Snape simply flicked his wand toward the open classroom door, making the door shut and lock itself.

My heart dropped to the floor and I almost cursed out loud.

You would think that I would know better by now.

I shut my eyes tight, trying to stop the tears that were forming. I would not cry in front of him. I refused.

Breathe, AraBella, I thought to myself. You can do this, just speak your mind and let him know that he can't hurt you anymore.

I opened up my eyes, and was startled to see Snape standing inches from me. His minty scent instantly filled the air I was breathing in. My mind went blank for a moment; I was intoxicated by that scent... That scent was my kryptonite.

I took a few steps back, to clear my mind and and get back some of my common sense. I was not about to go down that tragic road again. No matter how pleasurable it might be...

"We're not doing this again" I said to Snape in my best stern voice.

He opened his mouth as if he were going to say something, but I bet him to the punch. For like the first time in... well, ever.

"Don't speak, just listen to me."

"You and I are not meant to be. You have a life, I have have a life. We both want different things; it's just too complicated."

"We keep doing this absurd dance, breaking each others hearts, and pretending that we're in love with each other!"

"It's sick and it's wrong!" I was starting to get emotional again, so I had to pause to swallow the lump in my throat.

"This isn't love and you know it. We can both still have amazing lives if we just let each other go."

He stared at me for a long moment without blinking, and I stared back just the same. Then he blinked away, looked at the ground for a moment, and walked toward the one open wind in the classroom. He stared out of it, with his back to me.

"You can let yourself out" Snape finally said, in a voice so dry, you would think he was a dead man talking.

I didn't have to be told twice: I hightailed it straight out of that classroom and ran all the way to Ravenclaw tower.

I dropped my books off in my dorm and then I was off to find Fred.

I walked down the castle hallways for a few minutes before I saw Fred in a corridor near the library throwing dung bombs at students who passed by.

When I saw him, my whole being felt warm and happy. I felt my blood flow through me and become excitedly tingly.

Fred spotted me and a he euthustastically waved me over. I felt my cheeks get really hot, knowing that I was blushing beet red.

I got closer to Fred and my face was still hot, and maybe even hotter because when I approached Fred, I looked at him and saw that tinkle in his eye. He has this way of looking at me like I'm a beautiful work of art.

He's always making me feel special, I note as Fred puts the dungbombs away in his robe pockets. He reaches out dramatically to touch me, but I lurch back and squeal.

He puts a dung covered finger to his mouth and dramatically whispers "Shh, we're near the library!"

That's my Fred, I think to myself as smile broadly from ear to ear. Yeah, I like the sound of that.


End file.
